So I've been... not very focused lately. A combination of other people being too busy to work, changing some bad habits into good ones, starting exercising, the advent of summer, and a lack of real life socialization has just got me in somewhat of a funk. Ah life, why do you happen all at once?
A long time ago, back in Grade school, I once made a paper "video" game (all the rage back in the day) which had pause buttons. How it worked was I'd draw up the first level, then when the teacher (an awesome lady whose name I forget, unfortunately, but she played all our paper games, great sport) finished a level, she'd push the pause button and I'd draw the next level.
Ah if only we had pause buttons for life sometime.
But anyway, I've decided that possibly what I need is just an alternative creative outlet. Enter Fen and Max, once again. I came to a similar conclusion about a year ago, and fully intended to start writing when a job offer shelved it. Well, it only sort of shelved it, as I'd still think of it now and then come up with characters, scenarios, and settings. ANd best of all, I wrote them down! Probably not -all- of them, but most for sure.
It's more than a year later, and that job kind of dried up (though the card game still has potential!), but my notes are still here. In fact, I've got pages of them, it's great. And well.. maybe it's time to try and actually go beyond just "notes" and actually finalize characters and plot out what I want to do for the first year's stories.
Problem is, I'm so nervous. I keep procrastinating on this because of the aforementioned things sapping motivation, and also the fact that I'm, on some level, scared I won't do this as well as I think I can. I mean, I know I've got some talent at this writing thing (not as much as others I know, but enough to get me by), and I'm pretty sure I've actually got rather enjoyable characters and scenarios, and a rarely seen setting for the first two years at least, but well... that's just how fear works.
I guess I'll try and make an honest effort at it on Monday (or Tuesday if working Monday), since I think I'm not actually emotionally stable enough to try today (but maybe I will be tonight), and I've got plans tomorrow and am working Sunday. And maybe if I can get these characters down, and finalize what stories I want for year one...
Maybe I can actually start writing stories again!
Slowly. And as a side project. But I'll be writing.
Man, so crazy. So very very crazy.
I guess that's it. I just really needed to get my thoughts down. Ta, then.